Please meet our blessing

I’m proud to announce the birth of our son born in December 2013.

I’m sorry that it took so long to announce it, but it didn’t really go as planned and I am only now getting back into the swing of things. Baby is home and sleeping longer hours now making it easier on me to write.

In the coming weeks I will be blogging about our birth adventure, because it was a adventure indeed. Our little man didn’t feel like waiting until February to come when he was actually due so he really gave us a scare. He is now 5 months old and getting better. He still has some issues due to him being born so little, but we will continue to put our trust into God.

In the meantime, meet our youngest sprout, God’s gift unto us.

Our son, 1 day old

Our son, 1 day old

Now 5 months old

Now 5 months old

Can’t anything go smoothely for us?

Plancenta Previa

Placenta praevia (placenta previa AE) is an obstetric complication in which the placenta is inserted partially or wholly in lower uterine segment.[1] It can sometimes occur in the later part of the first trimester, but usually during the second or third. It is a leading cause of antepartum haemorrhage (vaginal bleeding).

 

Or how my doctor calls it : a ticking time bomb. Fun, right?

Oh well, here I am then, at 27 weeks and 7 days pregnant and have been in hospital for 5 days due to hemorrhaging and will probably be here up until the baby is born. So here I am, updating my blog, keeping my mind off what could happen and praying like never before.

Have you ever heard of it before? Have stories to share? Please do, I like being prepared.

Eldest daughter helping with the heart monitor.

Eldest daughter helping with the heart monitor.

On a last note about my question, I’m sure others have wondered about it in their own circumstances, I cannot stand in the shoes of God and give a complete answer to that question. I don’t have God’s mind. I don’t see with God’s eyes. First Corinthians 13:12 says, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”

Not so ‘Wordless Wednesday’ : Wireless Communication

Wireless Connection

 

How long has it been since you sent Him a text, a BBM or a Whatsapp if you prefer, just to thank Him or to give Him praise? Most of our prayers are to ASK Him for something, but He deserves our praise and our thanks. Send Him a text today…right now. Just think of all the things you are thankful for and praise Him for it! I promise, you will have a whole list of things you will like to talk to Him about. Concentrate on thanking Him today. We usually end up asking Him for help and things, at least most days we do, but today, let’s just give Him PRAISE!

Video

The WorshipMob did the job

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me ~Psalm 42:5-6a

David penned down exactly, in Psalms, how I am feeling today. I haven’t had the best of day yet and I’m at a loss for words right now, so I’m just share with some a something that I’ve just discovered on the internet . The Worshipmob! If you have never heard of them yet, look them up! I watched a couple of their video’s on their YouTube channel and the one titled “Forever lifted Higher” just lifted me up. I ended up watching it over and over again and singing along in praise and feeling my sorrow slowly leaving me. Thank you guys!

WorshipMob – The Worship Mob prays and worships together, & shares Real Live Worship music as free mp3 downloads & YouTube videos.

 

Check there website out and definitely go over to their YouTube channel! See what you can expect from the clip underneath.

Making God your number 1

You shall have no other gods before me ~~ Exodus 20:3 (ESV)

I’ve been at home for some weeks now due to my back. I’ve been enjoying this restful ME-time. In the morning once the kids and hubby have left the house, I’ve tried to make it a habit to have God time first. You know, have a cup of tea and read the bible. I actually use the ESV program online and turn on the narrator because lately my attention span is left for wanting and so the narrator helps me to concentrate. I use the daily bible ready tool. Two chapters in the OT, a couple of verses in Psalms now and then two chapters in the NT. Once I’m done with that, I read up on my daily devotions subscriptions and then I feel like I’ve done what I needed to do today. There you go God, now it’s me time. Talk to later, before I go to bed.

That sounds wrong, doesn’t it? That’s not the only thing wrong in my routine lately because, instead of first ‘God time’, I’m doing ‘web surfing’ time. I first read the newspapers online (I’m a news freak) while the kids are having breakfast, then I mosy on over to Facebook to see what’s happening there, then I wish everyone a good morning on Twitter and then of course I have to read all the tweets. Then I see an interesting an headline “Murder by starvation” A Victorian depiction of the gang’s cruelty causing the death of Harriet Staunton and her son Tommy…and so of course I HAVE to google all I can find out about that story, because I am a history nerd as well, then wikipedia..and on and on and on!

Does this sound familiar? Or am I a nutt case, lol. Anyway, that’s what was going on this morning when God reminded me of His presence. If I tell you how, you will definitely think of me as a nutt case, so I’m keeping that for myself, for now. But let’s just say that I have become finely attuned to when God is trying to say something.

I’m not going to lecture people on how and when then should have God time, I just want to point out that God wants us to put Him first, that’s why He said in Exodus that we shall not have any other gods. Meaning that we shall not have other idols. Idols ? Yeah, things that keep your focus off of God. Usually it’s things you think you can’t do without. Addictions, those are idols. A person, that can be an idol too. Money? Wanting more and more to whatever cost? Definitely an idol. For me, one of my idols, because I have many that I try to repent of, is the internet. I’m addicted. I need to have my iPhone, iPad or laptop somewhere in the vicinity. Travelling to Canada this summer is already making me nervous because of the lack of WiFi on the plane (yes, I looked it up). So, when God nudge me this morning, I turned again to prayer. Wow, two days in the row that God has humbled me and shown me the points I need to improve. He is to be our number-one priority, with no exceptions. That means that God is over me.  His wishes come before mine.  I must choose to go His way, not my own.

Why is it wrong to worship God AND another idol? Well, just see what the bible has to say about serving two masters in Matthew 6:24 and in Luke 16:13.

Crazy, right? Sounds unfair, right? Sounds selfish of God, right? Well, it might sound like that but it is biblical. Jesus did it, so if Jesus did, you know, the guy who died on the cross for us, well if He did it, then I choose to follow His example because friends, God wants to know that we love Him. I believe that when we make physical idols our number one priority, we are neglecting Him. The proof is in the text of John 14:15 “If you love me, keep my commandments.”

So today the house will be filled with worship music and I have finally gotten down to making ‘table talk conversations’ for our family. Subjects : Teen stuff, Pre-Teen stuff, Funny Stuff, and of course, Godly stuff. I can’t wait to use it this evening. God will be the centre of our home.

My Table Talk Starters

Dear Father God,

Help me today to make to focus on you Lord,  just you, with no worries and other things bewildering my train of thoughts. Thank You for Your amazing grace. I hope I show it with every conversation I have and with everything that I do today. But when I blow it, thanks for giving me an extra measure of grace and letting me know. You rock!

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What idols have you placed before God?

How are you planning on making God your number 1 today?

Want to know more about idols? Or just about God and Jesus. Then you should definitely check out the ‘Got Questions‘ website, very very useful.

My husband’s personal prayer warrior

I’m feeling a little hormonal this morning, so I’m apologizing in advance for what may be the end result of this post. My intentions are good however, so fingers crossed. I’m going to share with you why I’ve decided to become my husband’s personal prayer warrior.

I’m one of those people who love to work on themselves. Self improvement! I read loads of books and how to better your life and I pray daily to God that He would give me grace when my teens are acting up or to help me get my butt to the gym more often. Me, me, me!

So, when I see other people (husband) not growing spiritually as fast as I would like them (him) too, well, then I get pretty frustrated and self righteous I guess. Bad bad me.

The mornings are the worst, it seems like the little evil side of me tends to show itself after a bad night’s rest and my husband, unfortunately, has to be the victim of my whining then.

We were being very childish in saying goodbye this morning and so when he left I marched up to my computer and was drafting up an email with all of my complaints. Yep, I was going to send my husband hate mail.

That’s when God thankfully stopped me. I was thinking to myself, what am I doing? Is this how I’m helping my husband? Is this by any way building up our relationship together and with God?

I tend to forget the Proverbs 31 woman. There was a time in my life that I would even laugh and think it impossible and unfair to be such a woman. But growing in faith has helped me see that God has given His instructions so that we could have a full life.

Proverbs woman

Instead of whining and nagging my husband, I should pray more for him instead of asking God to help me eat healthier (please make me thin again God).

I sometimes lack faith in all that He can do, even though He has done miracles in our lives before and still does.

So I’ve decided to make it my mission to be become my husband’s personal prayer warrior. Ta-da-la-da!

What will I be praying for? It won’t be for God to put it on my husband’s heart to take out the trash without me having to tell him. Because this would be a `me´ issue again, not that praying for yourself is a bad thing, heavens no. But it shouldn’t be our main focus either. Right?

So what should we pray for? We should pray for anything that God has put onto our heart when we are in prayer first of all, then we should pray for that our husbands faith will grow and that he will become the spiritual leader God want’s Him to be. We need to pray for that our relationship will grow strong and need to ask God to help us be more like that Proverbs 31 woman He wants us to be.

I use a bookmark that you can download over at imoms and I find it very useful when I’m feeling at a loss for words. You can click on the image and it should take you there.

But right now, I’m just really thankful that God has stopped me before I sent out anything more hurtful and damaging to our marriage. Instead, I surrendered into prayer.

 

Father God,

I want to please You by the way that I love my family. Today, I choose to see my husband through your eyes of love and mercy. I will wage peace in my marriage. I will be quick to forgive and slow to condemn. I will encourage my husband with my words, my prayers, my love and my time. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my silly little lists that I lose perspective of the true meaning of life. Help me to live my days glorifying You with every breath that I take and step that I make. I want my home to be a safe place filled with kindness and compassion, a place that illustrates Your presence and power. Today, I choose to trust my marriage and family to you God.
In Jesus’ name, A-M-E-N !

 

God and Palm Trees

If you are a Christian like me you will probably have experienced moments in your life that you feel far from God. I’ve been there and I know of many others whom have experienced it too.

Now, you can wonder why it is or JUST surf the internet for solutions as how to remedy this. You only need to type your sentiments into Google and you will be hit by thousands of pages relating to your feelings of abandonment from God. You see, your not the only one.

I’m no professional or theologist, so I’m not going to lecture you here on the reasons as of why  you might feel far from God. I don’t think that it is my place, neither do I know what’s going on in your life and your relationship with Him. All that I can recommend you to do is to first of all, turn to the word and keep on praying. Even if you don’t feel like it. Even if you think that God isn’t listening. Even if you are full of doubt, that’s when you need to keep on praying.

I was wanting to write this post so that I could share with you something that a friend had once told me. It was told to me when I was experiencing a moment of trial and wondering why I felt like God was ignoring me.

Psalm 92:12
The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree,
He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

052
In a hurricane the palm tree can bend all the way to the point where it looks like it’s about to break. But doesn’t break. That is how God made them. During the storm it’s rough, it’s hard. After the storm.. It does not break, actually scientists have proven that after a palm tree has survived through a storm, they actually become STRONGER than what they were before.
God compares the righteous to palm tree’s. Because God created palm tree’s in that special way He created us. When the devil comes and attacks us.. We can go to the breaking point but God won’t let him break us.

I hope this helps somehow.

What has helped you in the past when you were feeling alone?

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The pooped out parents prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.

 

I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back — not have to think
about what they’re stuffing down the sink,
or who they’re with, or where they’re at
and what they’re doing to the cat.

 

I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)

 

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish — dead!)

 

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)

 

And that I need not cook or clean —
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)

 

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know —
I must have lost them long ago!

 

 

source : Berkeley Parents Network

Taking it easy is hard

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

~ Psalm 23 : 2-3

I’m tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m tired from no sleep. I’m tired of trying so hard to function. I’m frustrated. I’m weak. I’m what Isaiah calls “weary.” Weird, considering that I’ve been on “vacation” since last Monday. Yet, I still get up early in the morning  and feel exhausted by 7 pm. Sometimes, I lie awake making out my to-do list in my mind. In the morning, I wake up as tired as when I went to bed. The real problem is I didn’t get enough sleep.

Being on vacation doesn’t mean I can just sit down and rest, it just means I don’t have to go to work. I still have to clean, mother, cook and do stuff I usually don’t have enough time doing whilst having to work.Doctor appointments, shopping for the kids summer clothing, clean the windows…arrgghhh!

So, I sort of was neglecting God, by the time I had “me time” in the evening I would just drop myself onto my bed like a sack of potatoes (not that I would drop them into bed ,but you get the picture)-I’m wanting to drift off to dreamland rather than to grab my bible and read. I try to pray and I end up by doing it eventually, but I must say I’m pretty embarrassed at how lazy my prayers have become. Either I’ll just mumble “I lay my head down to sleep”  . No fuss there or I’ll just say something like ” Thank you Lord for this day, please bless my family and me…” I’m just so tired and I just can’t concentrate.

I really try to, but then I hear the cars on the road -our house is situated on a pretty busy street. Or our mama cat will be miauwing like crazy. She just had kittens and the’re walking around, this seems to make her feel uncomfortable. But what usually happens is that when I’m praying, my brain takes me, pulls me away from God. Result of this is that I just couldn’t feel near to God anymore the last couple of weeks, I couldn’t seem to enter into his presence.

But now I’ve realized the reason why I wasn’t feeling God’s presence lately is because I wasn’t making any time for Him. I just gave Him the bits of time I choose to give, thinking, ahhh, He’ll understand, He knows that I’m exhausted!

Then the Lord showed me that I wasn’t putting Him first. I was putting everything else before Him and He ended up with what was left. How terrible does that sound?

So this morning I got up as early as usual, happy to be the only one up. I can have a cup of coffee and some time for myself and for God. I prayed, not just a quicky, but a heartfelt prayer and took my bible and spent some time with Him. I finally felt Him near me again.

Even David felt the pressure of life. He protected, guided, and tended to his sheep. How did David manage? He looked to his Good Shepherd for rest and the Lord provided. “He makes me to lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, he restores my soul” (Psalm 23:2-3).

So from now on , my green pasture will b  the cool early mornings, when no one else is up and I can just sit alone in silence with my cup of coffee and my bible. The secret is stealing away with God to places of unending rest.

Everyday people cartoons by Cathy Thorne


Dear Lord, I’m sorry that I’ve become so selfish and have choosen to put you aside and put myself first. You never give us more than we can handle and You want us to come to You and rest. Help me to rest. Guard my time and help me manage my responsibilities so that I can renew myself emotionally, spiritually, and psychically each day.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.



Looking for my mother

If you have followed my posts I want to thank you first for showing some interest in my story.

So you’ll know that I’m adopted.

I’ve been searching for my birth mother ever since my son was born. When my daughter was born first I was 15 years (almost 16) old at the time, and too preoccupied with my new meaning of life. I did think for a split second of how my birth mother could give such a beautiful thing away…but that was only for a split second. I had other things to think and worry about.

Having my son a couple of years later really started to get me thinking. I was older by then and had already experienced motherhood. I never really thought of her in a negative way, but I can’t say that I could understand her actions then. I just couldn’t give my baby away. Where there is a will ,there’s a way!

I started frequently thinking about her, maybe because I was feeling lonely again due to the separation with my partner. I didn’t have any family where I was living and I had banned my adoptive mother from my life once I moved out.

I called my adoption  father who was by then talking to me again. I asked him about the adoption and asked him about all the details that he had. He gave me all the info he had plus the name of the doctor involved .I got this doctors number and dialled him a soon as I could. I got him soon enough on the phone and explained to him who I was . He listened and was very nice but he said that it was a closed adoption and that he couldn’t give me any info. He could however send me my medical birth records. I guess that was better than nothing. He also gave me an address of an agencie who could help me with my search.

I wrote to that agency and received forms to fill in, but it wasn’t without any costs . I think it would have cost me around 300 or 400$. I didn’t have that money to spare to be honest, so those forms stayed in my cupboard.I received my medical records, but I didn’t learn much except for that my birth mother was seventeen I think and what my birth name was . Knowing what my birth name was did make  me happy, at least my birth mother named me.

I had left it rest the searching thing for a couple of years. I had other worries on my mind. But then came the internet ERA to my home. Wow …I would have never imagined as a child that everyone would have 1 or more pc’s in their homes let alone that we could send virtual letters to each other and such!

I was taking internet lessons and I learned how to make my own email account, how to “surf” the web. The teacher asked me one day if there is anything I would really like to learn  and after years of almost forgetting that I was adopted , I had all of a sudden the urge to give it another go. I told her briefly that I was adopted, that I didn’t know my birth parents but that I would like to look for them.

I don’t know sweety, ask mommy or Google.


My teacher then typed in “adoption” in the wonderful Google search engine ( thumbs up for Page and Brin…and for Wikipedia :) ) . After she pushed the enter button I had a life changing moment . I never imagined that there would be so many topics and issues about adoption, so much to read, amazing. She then showed me a few sites with forums on them and explained what a forum was. My real searching began there and then.

I started posting on every query board, forum or anything else involved with adoption. I searched sites  for anybody who might be looking for me. Sometimes I would on the web for days and then I would get frustrated and  then didn’t go near the pc for weeks.

It was so very frustrating. All these thoughts came into my head:

– Maybe my birth mother doesn’t have internet….

-Maybe she can’t remember when I was born ….(ok a bit far-fetched but possible)

-Maybe she has passed away …Dear Lord, please no!

-Or she might just not be looking for me

Years passed, without any news. I kept on surfing the web, searching, but not as often anymore. I discovered Facebook, that was another site I really enjoyed. Being able to connect with old friends from back home. I really loved that and still do, it has made me feel much closer to home.

The older I got, the less hope I had of ever finding ANY blood relatives. I have sufficiently put myself out there and there was no way that if someone was looking for me that they couldn’t find me.

Over the years I had thought more and more about my birth mother, for some reason with every birthday, I would calculate how old that she would be .

My children don’t look very much like me so I would always wonder if they looked like her ? Or my birth dad.

I would wonder if she would still think of me, did she have any other children? Maybe she has gotten married to some guy who doesn’t even know that I exist. Maybe I was a family secret? Oh no!

I have a very fertile imagination ,so I could think up stories and get myself upset over it. I really started getting frustrated and sad.

Adoption Cartoon e-Book by C.Papile

It’s really hard to explain, but the frustration you get, by not finding what you’re looking for, is for me beyond words. It’s like your being  “rejected” again . After years of looking and being excited of what you might find, comes years of sadness at finding nothing. When I look back at those years, I’m embarrassed to say that I had self-piety. Poor little me, nobody wanted me, nobody wants me, nobody is looking for me.

A couple of months ago, our Pastor was doing a sermon on prayer .  He was explaining that God answers every prayer that is lifted to Him. Sometimes God answers “no” or “wait.”But God only promises to grant our prayers when we ask according to His will. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God:

“that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” 1 John 5:14-15

Well, I prayed each and every night for many weeks after that. Asking the Lord to help me find my birth mother. That this was so very important for me. I needed to know her, I needed to find her and I needed to tell her that I didn’t hate her for giving me up !

During my prayers ,somehow I though of the tough years I had behind me. How even though my children had whatever they needed, however much that I love them…would I have not wanted a better life for them? Of course I would, but I did my best and I’m glad that I have had them. But yet, I could understand why a woman would give up her child if she herself had nothing to offer(think that she had nothing to offer). That too is motherly love, wanting the best for your child, even if it kills you inside.

Weeks when by, my prayers left unanswered. I don’t have much patience unfortunately. I’m a now person ! So one day, I didn’t sleep very well the previous night, so I was cuddled up with a blanket in the sofa in the morning and just started writing a letter to my birth mother. I had almost given up hope by then of ever being found and I just decided to write a letter for her, of how I felt . I would probably never be able to ever give it to her, but it was a sort of therapy, like writing this blog.

I wrote the letter and saved it in my documents on my computer. That was it. I now give up.

Lord you have a plan for me. I trust in you. But please take this sadness away from my heart, I can’t cope with this feeling anymore.

But on the 16th of November 2009 , I was found.

To be continued ….

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