Are we adoptees just mental?

I think one thing we adoptees must have in common is wondering from who we have inherited some of our habits.

If you have kids like me, you must have at one point or another compared your child’s habits and looks to yourself or to that of their other parent. All the good things have come from you of course and all the bad ones from the other person. Hey, at least, that’s what I do. However, now that mine are teens, I do realize that my daughter has many unpleasant habits in common with me, like her stubbornness or being convinced that she is always right and oh “the rolling of the eyes”…arg!

When I was little, my adoptive parents told me that they saw the doctor who delivered me and who was active in the adoption procedure during a trip to Wal-Mart’s. He looked at me and told them that he knew from whom I had inherited my long fingers. And that was it, that was the one and only thing I knew about them at that time and I have always carried that sentence in my heart and would wonder and dream about my natural parents. Huh, I imagined my mother being Céline Dion for some crazy reason.

Then I became a teen and my adoptive parents had divorced and my mother then took me back to her country of origin, Belgium. She had always had severe manic depression, but coming back to Belgium and not finding it the same as she had left it , 30 some years before, well that just put fuel on to her depression and she started to drink and take pills on top of it. I will spare you the details, but my teenage years were horrible, and I’m being mild here.

So as being a young adult, I had put it to the back of my mind, the though of me looking like someone else out there, and replaced those dreams I used to have with fear of becoming like my adoptive mother. Anytime I would have a tad bit too much to drink, I instantly would think of her and be petrified that I would be changing into her, an alcoholic. Or if I would have a couple of days of feeling down, (usually once a month) I would be scared that I was getting into a depression.

Last week I was doing my daily newspaper morning surfing and was reading an article in the Daily mail titled :

“When Cherry adopted these ‘angelic’ sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. How terrifyingly wrong she was.”

In short it’s about a couple who have adopted two sisters. The eldest was 3 years old and the youngest 6 months. Their natural mother was a troubled person and couldn’t care for them anymore and so they moved from foster home to foster home, until this couple adopted them.

Picture isn’t me, but I was however delivered in a laundry basket.

According to the article , this couple was a stable family and having all the means necessary to raise these children happily and comfortably. Unfortunately after having adopted these children , they noticed some behavioral problems that caused much stress. In the end, the couple divorced, the wife ended up having to care for these children on a minimal income and the girls, now in their twenties are behind bars in jail. “‘Ironically they have followed exactly the same pattern as their mother,’ says Cherry.”

Again, this is a short sum up and to get the whole picture you should read the article yourself.

Then one paragraph really caught my attention :

Quite understandably, adopted children often suffer emotional difficulties. A U.S. study found that being adopted approximately doubles the odds of an adolescent being diagnosed with an emotional or behavioural problem. While these issues can usually be overcome, they often have a massive impact on the child’s adoptive family. 

My question to you dear readers is do you think that adopted children do have more problems? And I’m not talking about the many kids given up for adoption that have come from high-risk pregnancies, exposing them to potential for developmental delays, impulsive choices, poor choices, attention deficit, hyperactivity, learning disabilities, and emotional disorders.

I do think that we might be more emotional than others and therefore I think that it is highly important for adopted children and their families to have enough support and that they have an adequate mental health support system at reach.

I also believe that God in His sovereignty, places orphaned or abandoned children with families on purpose, even if it doesn’t seem so at that moment. And what I have discovered is that conflicts that arise from adoption issues, whether on the side of parents or of the adopted child, can be overcome.  God has a way of taking conflict and using it for our own good.  God doesn’t give up on us.

So what do you think? Are we mental? Do we inherit traits ? I would really like to hear your thoughts or story, so please do share!

Gallery

Yes, we made into Glamour Magazine!

 

YES! Our amazing story has made it to one of America’s best selling magazines and I am particularly happy with the end result. It even brought a tear to my eye….ok, I can can be honest with you all, it made me weep. It was embarrassing.

So people, go get the magazine, get something warm and comforting to drink (vanilla latte is my preference) and enjoy.

Thank you to all of whom took an interest in our miracle and have made this story happen. Also a special thank you to my adoptive father who has always helped me in my search and has too welcomed them into his family. It must be hard but he did it and  with grace.

I just can’t believe how lucky we are. I have an amazing, loving ,sweet,  beautiful and talented sister whom I am sooooo proud of ! The future is looking bright. She might be in the spotlight, but behind her are our loving parents who have welcomed me, my children and my husband into their family as if we have always been together. A great mom who acted just like a mom would at our wedding. A father, who I feel like I related to the most and a great brother who my son A-D-O-R-E-S ! I kind of like him too. We even have matching tattoo’s now. We got them in Amsterdam. My wedding present from him. Sweet!

I only hope to be able to see each other more often. Having a sea between us ain’t helping! Can someone give me a job over there? Please ? ^^Ooops, I’m embarrassing myself again.

Love yah sis, mother, father and bro! Dad, I love you too of course!

Thank you God!


25 points of useless information about myself.

Image via Wikipedia

1. I’m Canadian and proud of it. I am however living in Belgium for the moment.

2. I never finish anything. I always leave  the last cookie –  I have endless amounts of chip bags with crumbs in them – I’ve never emptied a glass and I even leave one piece of toilet paper on the roll….

3. I get hyper if you touch my toes.

4. I’m too lazy to pre-read my posts and so I end up making loads of typo’s and constantly going back and forth trying to correct them.

5.  I’ve been pooped on by an eagle.

6. I cried when Spock died in Star Treck 2. R.I.P. Spock!

7. I used to be crazy (read obsessed) of the New Kids on The Block. Aaah, Joey McIntyre…I even had a crush on a guy who worked at Wendy’s. That  was until my dad told him that I though he looked like Joey. (the shame)

8. My sister is an upcoming celebrity. I would like to tell you more, but I’m afraid of making myself look pathetic as in “Look at me, my sister is …” Oeps, almost did it.

10. I’ve been adopted but have been reunited with pretty much my entire birth family. So I now have 2 families!

11. I believe in miracles because I believe in God and have seen what He has done with my life. Really a miracle.

12. I was a teen mom and now my two kids are teens themselves. Thank goodness that they’re smarter than me and that I’m not a granny yet!

13. Just to make things clear : I DO love my teens (adore them) and haven’t once regretted having them. They have made me who I am today (with allot of help from God)

14. I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about Miss Pippa’s butt.

15. When I’m genuinely laughing, I snort. Yes, snort as in a little pig.

16. I used to date Bear Grylls.

17. I lied.

18. No matter how much I deny it, I have a flair for the dramatic. Ask my fiancé.

19. I hate confrontation.

20. I rather text, BBM, chat, skype,Whatsapp then have to talk on the phone and will almost always pass the phone to my fiancé. Unless your my mom, sister or good friend. (I felt like I had to add that)

21. I often speak without thinking and then spend the rest of the time wondering what the fudge was I thinking and cussing at myself. In my thoughts that is. I’m not actually speaking to myself, now that would be weird.

22. Kids used to pick on me in primary school, because 1. I was an Anglophone in a French Canadian School, 2. I was tall + skinny and 3. Because I was an Anglophone in a Canadian French School. It has distorted my way of thinking.

23. When I’m depressed I like to hide in my room with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and a Barbara Cartland book. Hey, she’s a good writer.

24. My family situation has become so complicated that I could only explain it by using charts.

25. I wrote this post from work because I was bored.

Taking it easy is hard

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

~ Psalm 23 : 2-3

I’m tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m tired from no sleep. I’m tired of trying so hard to function. I’m frustrated. I’m weak. I’m what Isaiah calls “weary.” Weird, considering that I’ve been on “vacation” since last Monday. Yet, I still get up early in the morning  and feel exhausted by 7 pm. Sometimes, I lie awake making out my to-do list in my mind. In the morning, I wake up as tired as when I went to bed. The real problem is I didn’t get enough sleep.

Being on vacation doesn’t mean I can just sit down and rest, it just means I don’t have to go to work. I still have to clean, mother, cook and do stuff I usually don’t have enough time doing whilst having to work.Doctor appointments, shopping for the kids summer clothing, clean the windows…arrgghhh!

So, I sort of was neglecting God, by the time I had “me time” in the evening I would just drop myself onto my bed like a sack of potatoes (not that I would drop them into bed ,but you get the picture)-I’m wanting to drift off to dreamland rather than to grab my bible and read. I try to pray and I end up by doing it eventually, but I must say I’m pretty embarrassed at how lazy my prayers have become. Either I’ll just mumble “I lay my head down to sleep”  . No fuss there or I’ll just say something like ” Thank you Lord for this day, please bless my family and me…” I’m just so tired and I just can’t concentrate.

I really try to, but then I hear the cars on the road -our house is situated on a pretty busy street. Or our mama cat will be miauwing like crazy. She just had kittens and the’re walking around, this seems to make her feel uncomfortable. But what usually happens is that when I’m praying, my brain takes me, pulls me away from God. Result of this is that I just couldn’t feel near to God anymore the last couple of weeks, I couldn’t seem to enter into his presence.

But now I’ve realized the reason why I wasn’t feeling God’s presence lately is because I wasn’t making any time for Him. I just gave Him the bits of time I choose to give, thinking, ahhh, He’ll understand, He knows that I’m exhausted!

Then the Lord showed me that I wasn’t putting Him first. I was putting everything else before Him and He ended up with what was left. How terrible does that sound?

So this morning I got up as early as usual, happy to be the only one up. I can have a cup of coffee and some time for myself and for God. I prayed, not just a quicky, but a heartfelt prayer and took my bible and spent some time with Him. I finally felt Him near me again.

Even David felt the pressure of life. He protected, guided, and tended to his sheep. How did David manage? He looked to his Good Shepherd for rest and the Lord provided. “He makes me to lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, he restores my soul” (Psalm 23:2-3).

So from now on , my green pasture will b  the cool early mornings, when no one else is up and I can just sit alone in silence with my cup of coffee and my bible. The secret is stealing away with God to places of unending rest.

Everyday people cartoons by Cathy Thorne


Dear Lord, I’m sorry that I’ve become so selfish and have choosen to put you aside and put myself first. You never give us more than we can handle and You want us to come to You and rest. Help me to rest. Guard my time and help me manage my responsibilities so that I can renew myself emotionally, spiritually, and psychically each day.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.



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