Please meet our blessing

I’m proud to announce the birth of our son born in December 2013.

I’m sorry that it took so long to announce it, but it didn’t really go as planned and I am only now getting back into the swing of things. Baby is home and sleeping longer hours now making it easier on me to write.

In the coming weeks I will be blogging about our birth adventure, because it was a adventure indeed. Our little man didn’t feel like waiting until February to come when he was actually due so he really gave us a scare. He is now 5 months old and getting better. He still has some issues due to him being born so little, but we will continue to put our trust into God.

In the meantime, meet our youngest sprout, God’s gift unto us.

Our son, 1 day old

Our son, 1 day old

Now 5 months old

Now 5 months old

Can’t anything go smoothely for us?

Plancenta Previa

Placenta praevia (placenta previa AE) is an obstetric complication in which the placenta is inserted partially or wholly in lower uterine segment.[1] It can sometimes occur in the later part of the first trimester, but usually during the second or third. It is a leading cause of antepartum haemorrhage (vaginal bleeding).

 

Or how my doctor calls it : a ticking time bomb. Fun, right?

Oh well, here I am then, at 27 weeks and 7 days pregnant and have been in hospital for 5 days due to hemorrhaging and will probably be here up until the baby is born. So here I am, updating my blog, keeping my mind off what could happen and praying like never before.

Have you ever heard of it before? Have stories to share? Please do, I like being prepared.

Eldest daughter helping with the heart monitor.

Eldest daughter helping with the heart monitor.

On a last note about my question, I’m sure others have wondered about it in their own circumstances, I cannot stand in the shoes of God and give a complete answer to that question. I don’t have God’s mind. I don’t see with God’s eyes. First Corinthians 13:12 says, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”

Our announcement

For some of you that have been following, you know about our great news, but we haven’t shared it on Facebook yet, or extended family. So, we sent out our announcement this week, now that i’m entering my 12th week.

Short recap, I have two children, both of whom I had in my teens. I consider them my blessings even though it was hard raising them on my own for 10 years after their father and I separated.

I then met the husband I asked God for and he too has a little girl. He has shared custody and so she is with us every other week.

We were struggling with infertility. I have endometriosis and due to that, they had to remove one of my fallopian tubes and the other one is severely damaged and obstructed. So after a lot of prayer and talking, we embarked the IVF boat in September 2012.

Trial n1 (November 2012): 1 egg, fertilized : pregnant. Miscarried at 6 weeks
Trial n2 (March 2013): 1 egg, fertilized: no pregnancy
Trial n3 (May 2013): 1 egg, fertilized : pregnant, now 12 weeks

So, I am now 35 and when the baby will be born, it will have a 20 year age difference with his/her eldest sister. I am so looking forward to this new addition to our family and thank God for giving us this blessing once more.

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Our tiny little miracle!

I’m sorry that I haven’t been updating my posts, it’s just that I wanted to be very careful about what I was going to say.

You know that I had a miscarriage on New Year’s eve of a 6 week old embryo whose heart just didn’t start to beat. But today I do have the courage, the courage to tell you all that I AM again pregnant!

It’s now been 9 weeks and I have had 3 sonograms. We saw and heard the heartbeat at 6 weeks and yesterday we saw the ‘baby’ move! I couldn’t believe eyes and asked my husband if he saw it too. Just making sure that I wasn’t hallucinating there. But I wasn’t. It was the most incredible moment, E-v-e-r!

Dear Father God, I thank you for letting us see our baby move for the first time. I pray for our baby’s heart as it finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her/his tiny teeth. I also pray for our baby’s organs, muscles, and nerves that are now kicking into gear. You already know who this baby will be, a girl or a boy, yet it is only now forming in my womb. Let it all happen according to your will.

Please take the anxiety away from me and help me trust You in full.

Bless all who deal with loss, infertility and all who visites my humble blog, in Jesus Christ name I pray,  Amen.

9 weeks

 

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD! – Psalms 113:9

Our reasons for IVF: Christian parents

As I said in my previous post, I’m going to explain to you why we choose to do In Vitro and our point of view as Christians. This is OUR point of view, we do not have the right to judge others and so we don’t. I am sure that other Christians dealing with infertility have prayed prayed prayed about their situation and have chosen to do fertility treatment or not. This is a personal question only left up to the couple and to God.

Before I start, let me explain. I already have two “children”. A son of 17 yo and a 19 yo daughter. I was 15 and 17 yo when I had them. I have never regretted having them, instead of “holding me back” or “missing out”, they in the contrary embellished my life and they are everything to me. It doesn’t take away the fact that I was very young. Now that I am 34 and have a wonderful husband and a stable income, I would love to have a child with him. My husband also has a 10 yo daughter who lives with us every other week.

Why did we choose to do In Vitro?

I suffer from a serious form of Endometriosis. Endometriosis is a female health disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. This can lead to pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant. In my case, I regularly form cysts, chocolate cysts the doctors call it because they are filled with old blood. I need surgery every so often to remove them, and them in December 2011, they had to remove my left fallopian tube because it was damaged beyond repair. The right fallopian tube is totally blocked, but the surgeon left it there because he knew that my husband and I wanted to have children together. We had just gotten married. The surgeon did tell us that it was only a matter of time before they would have to remove the other tube, due to pain and infections. So we had limited time.

Still, we waited, prayed and talked to other Christians, asking their point of view. Many told us that God can work in mysterious ways and that we needed to be patient, but we didn’t have much time. And I do believe in healing from God, but I equally believe that he has giving doctors the gift as well. Plus, I never heard of a fallopian tube growing back? Ha, you never know.

Anyway, we visited a fertility doctor last summer. We had already been to his office almost a year before, and when he asked us why we took so long to make a decision, we told him that we were Christians. Not something very common here in Belgium and you could see the surprise on his face. Anyway, we explained to him our beliefs and what we wanted and what we definitely didn’t want. No destroying of embryos. I think that when you are a Christian, you must speak to your doctor frankly. Many people don’t think that an embryo is a life yet because it doesn’t have a heartbeat, but it is a creation. It’s alive, it’s growing and it has DNA. It might not have a heartbeat, it doen’t look like a baby, yet, all the qualities are there and it has the potential to become a human being. Again, it’s a creation from me and my husband. From a mother and a father. A fetus is just as much human as a human who is already born. Just how “child” and “adult” are words describing stages in a human’s life, so is the term “fetus.” It just describes an unborn life.

Getting off track here. So, being honest with our doctor helped a lot. Many women really want to have as many follicles (potential eggs) as possible. I didn’t but when my three follicles only resulted in my having just one egg…well, I was disappointed, because, after hearing all the stories and people telling you that the chances are slim, well, 1 egg doesn’t give you much chance, does it? But our doctor said ‘you only need one egg’. Our egg did become an embryo, a top embryo the laboratory told us and after two days, they put our emmy back. Ten days later, I found out that I was pregnant. One egg. It was a miracle in our eyes. God has given me what I had asked for, just like Hannah in the book of Samuel, she was barren and childless, she asked God for a child, and He granted her Samuel.

“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27

But for reasons that I or no one else can understand, this emmy died in my womb.

When you go through a miscarriage, a woman tends to blame herself first. I shouldn’t have done this, I shouldn’t have eaten that. Maybe if I would have done this or that….but in the end, sometimes nature just takes over. We have mourned our unborn child, but we know where he/she is, and the fact that I became pregnant instantly, with just one egg, has been a miracle in our eyes.

This has been a couple of months ago. I am now in my second trial. We are doing the antagonist protocol in a natural cycle. I am again on Gonal F (low dose) and started Certrotide yesterday. If any of you have done or are doing treatment and have used Certrotide as well, please tell me the itchiness is normal. Arg. Looked like I had a mosquito bite after the shot. But it’s all back to normal now. On the ultrasound yesterday, I had 5 follicles  The doctor is waiting for three of them to be big enough and we will hopefully be doing the pick up next week. There can be three eggs, or none, you never know. I’m just hoping for one good one. God still stays in control, no matter what.

Trial number two! Fingers crossed.

Ugh! I just came back from a fun morning in the hospital.

After miscarrying in December, I wanted to re-start the fertility treatment as quickly as possible so when with my following menstruation the doctor told me NO GO because of another cyst (I have endometriosis, so I get cysts like somebody who gets zits) I was so disappointed. I needed to wait for my next menstruation and hopefully the cyst would be gone by then. But no, that’s my luck, the cyst was still there and even bigger than before. Meaning that the doctor decided to suck the sucker out today. And that’s what happened this morning. Bye bye cyst this morning, hello hormones tonight. I’m so totally looking forward to using my tummy as a needle cushion again. N-O-T!

So here we go. Trial number two. I just need to surrender my wishes to the will of God and know that if it’s meant to happen, it will.

BTW, yes i am a Christian woman who chooses for IVF. I used to be ashamed about it at times…plus other Christians are very ‘generous’ about giving their opinion, without even being fully educated over the matter. So, I’ll elaborate on the subject of why IVF was right for us and can be a blessing from God in my next post.

God bless people, have a great almost weekend and keep my in your thoughts please!

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Unplanned staying-at-home mom

I’ve been made redundant a month ago. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed because I was juggling a full time job, a household plus the three kids. As soon a I calmed down after the initial shock of being ‘letting go’ I could actually start thinking of all the wonderful things I could now actually do. The great big spring cleaning, getting my butt to the gym, cooking and baking, blogging and spending some quality time with the family instead of collapsing on my bed at 9 pm in exhaustion.

Ok, I am bit stressed about how we will do financially in the future, but I’m sure that God wanted me to be with my family now. Some things have happened and to be honest, had this all happened while I still had to go to work, I can’t see how we could have coped.

So, like I said, it’s been a month now and there has ALWAYS been someone at home with me, in sick mode. So instead of doing the stuff I was planning on doing, I had to be tending to the sick. Seriously, everyone has been sick , my husband, the kids even the cat will be having an operation tomorrow. I know it must come across as if I’m not enjoying it…but to be honest, I kind of am. All those years that I’ve had to take time off or felt guilty about not being able to nurse my family back to health, or just not being able to be there whenever they needed me. I’m so grateful for being at home right now, even though I haven’t had a moment to myself yet. But, God, I would really appreciate just one day… soon…please? Ha!

God has showed me that sometimes the best things in life are completely unplanned.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

 

knock knock

I’m a mummy in mourning

I’ve never really enjoyed Christmas that much before I met my husband but every year since we met, it was getting better and better. This year especially. I couldn’t wait to put up the Christmas decorations. My husband and kids were joking around in their Christmas hats and I couldn’t resist to taking loads of pictures and sharing them on Instagram. Then when our beautiful tree was all done up, we took a few pictures of us sitting next to it. Well, a few is not the word,  I was horrified at how fat I looked on the pictures, so I made everyone move around until I looked less fat. Me looking less fat was only possible by me sitting on the bottom of the stairs, between two of my kids and directing  the camera to just above my waist. Still I though that I looked hideous, but I calmed myself down with the idea that next year, we would be holding our new addition to the family in next year’s Christmas pictures. Yep, I was pregnant. But two days before Christmas, I was bleeding heavily, the doctor reassured me and said that it was due to a blood cloth next to the baby, not to worry and so Christmas came, and I received a knitted bonnet from my sister -in -law, but the Friday after Christmas , the doctor couldn’t see a heartbeat and on New Year’s eve, I spent it in the ICU, having a miscarriage.

Despite our great loss, I can’t imagine not experiencing the joy that we did over our child’s conception.  I can’t imagine not sharing in the love of our child with our family and friends, or sharing it with the world.  I can’t imagine not learning the difficult but beautiful lessons about life and death that we have through this experience.  Losing our child through miscarriage does not undo all that was done.  The baby was conceived.  He or She was loved.  I was blessed to carry the him/her.  We are all blessed to carry him now in our hearts till we meet him again.  I want every woman to know that her child’s life, her experience in carrying her daughter or son, is a gift, no matter how it’s packaged. He just got the heaven before we did, he is already home.

I dedicate this video of ‘Glory Baby’ by Watermark to our lost baby.