Paradox by Lynn Grubb

As an adoptee I find it hard to explain exactly how I feel about adoption. Even though I think adoption is necessary in our disposable world…and I understand the sentiment of couples having difficulties conceiving, I still struggle with my own situation. I usually answer people’s questions on adoption with “yes, I agree that there are too many unwanted children out there, but….” And then I shut down.
I have a semi happy ending, being found a few years ago and since have reunited with my birth family, yet, although one wound closed…it seemed like another one opened.(more on that later)
Anyway, I still count myself blessed, but still at a loss of words on the matter, until I found a voice over at The lost daughters website.

I just wanted to share this with you all and suggest you visit their wonderful website.

Adoption is

a concept, a belief and an action
A lack of choice and being chosen
A legal solution to a spiritual problem
A spiritual solution to a legal problem
A loving choice and a thrusting upon
A nurturing touch yet a stealing away

it saved me; yet damaged me
Provided for me, yet took away from me
Blessed me yet cursed me
Gave me a name and took a name
It creates a chance for love to grow and a door for misunderstanding
It creates a family out of strangers and strangers out of family
It inspires and teaches and it wounds and damages

Adoption is

My friend and my enemy
A thorn in my side and my shining light
A rainbow and a gravestone
Acceptance and rejection
Truth and lies
Known and unknown
Love and hatred
a casting away and returning

Adoption is

Not my friend nor my enemy
Not the excuse or the cause
Not perfect or evil
Not the reason or the scapegoat
Not who I am or who I am not
Everything and nothing

(copyright Lynn Grubb; may reproduce with permission)

Making God your number 1

You shall have no other gods before me ~~ Exodus 20:3 (ESV)

I’ve been at home for some weeks now due to my back. I’ve been enjoying this restful ME-time. In the morning once the kids and hubby have left the house, I’ve tried to make it a habit to have God time first. You know, have a cup of tea and read the bible. I actually use the ESV program online and turn on the narrator because lately my attention span is left for wanting and so the narrator helps me to concentrate. I use the daily bible ready tool. Two chapters in the OT, a couple of verses in Psalms now and then two chapters in the NT. Once I’m done with that, I read up on my daily devotions subscriptions and then I feel like I’ve done what I needed to do today. There you go God, now it’s me time. Talk to later, before I go to bed.

That sounds wrong, doesn’t it? That’s not the only thing wrong in my routine lately because, instead of first ‘God time’, I’m doing ‘web surfing’ time. I first read the newspapers online (I’m a news freak) while the kids are having breakfast, then I mosy on over to Facebook to see what’s happening there, then I wish everyone a good morning on Twitter and then of course I have to read all the tweets. Then I see an interesting an headline “Murder by starvation” A Victorian depiction of the gang’s cruelty causing the death of Harriet Staunton and her son Tommy…and so of course I HAVE to google all I can find out about that story, because I am a history nerd as well, then wikipedia..and on and on and on!

Does this sound familiar? Or am I a nutt case, lol. Anyway, that’s what was going on this morning when God reminded me of His presence. If I tell you how, you will definitely think of me as a nutt case, so I’m keeping that for myself, for now. But let’s just say that I have become finely attuned to when God is trying to say something.

I’m not going to lecture people on how and when then should have God time, I just want to point out that God wants us to put Him first, that’s why He said in Exodus that we shall not have any other gods. Meaning that we shall not have other idols. Idols ? Yeah, things that keep your focus off of God. Usually it’s things you think you can’t do without. Addictions, those are idols. A person, that can be an idol too. Money? Wanting more and more to whatever cost? Definitely an idol. For me, one of my idols, because I have many that I try to repent of, is the internet. I’m addicted. I need to have my iPhone, iPad or laptop somewhere in the vicinity. Travelling to Canada this summer is already making me nervous because of the lack of WiFi on the plane (yes, I looked it up). So, when God nudge me this morning, I turned again to prayer. Wow, two days in the row that God has humbled me and shown me the points I need to improve. He is to be our number-one priority, with no exceptions. That means that God is over me.  His wishes come before mine.  I must choose to go His way, not my own.

Why is it wrong to worship God AND another idol? Well, just see what the bible has to say about serving two masters in Matthew 6:24 and in Luke 16:13.

Crazy, right? Sounds unfair, right? Sounds selfish of God, right? Well, it might sound like that but it is biblical. Jesus did it, so if Jesus did, you know, the guy who died on the cross for us, well if He did it, then I choose to follow His example because friends, God wants to know that we love Him. I believe that when we make physical idols our number one priority, we are neglecting Him. The proof is in the text of John 14:15 “If you love me, keep my commandments.”

So today the house will be filled with worship music and I have finally gotten down to making ‘table talk conversations’ for our family. Subjects : Teen stuff, Pre-Teen stuff, Funny Stuff, and of course, Godly stuff. I can’t wait to use it this evening. God will be the centre of our home.

My Table Talk Starters

Dear Father God,

Help me today to make to focus on you Lord,  just you, with no worries and other things bewildering my train of thoughts. Thank You for Your amazing grace. I hope I show it with every conversation I have and with everything that I do today. But when I blow it, thanks for giving me an extra measure of grace and letting me know. You rock!

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What idols have you placed before God?

How are you planning on making God your number 1 today?

Want to know more about idols? Or just about God and Jesus. Then you should definitely check out the ‘Got Questions‘ website, very very useful.

My husband’s personal prayer warrior

I’m feeling a little hormonal this morning, so I’m apologizing in advance for what may be the end result of this post. My intentions are good however, so fingers crossed. I’m going to share with you why I’ve decided to become my husband’s personal prayer warrior.

I’m one of those people who love to work on themselves. Self improvement! I read loads of books and how to better your life and I pray daily to God that He would give me grace when my teens are acting up or to help me get my butt to the gym more often. Me, me, me!

So, when I see other people (husband) not growing spiritually as fast as I would like them (him) too, well, then I get pretty frustrated and self righteous I guess. Bad bad me.

The mornings are the worst, it seems like the little evil side of me tends to show itself after a bad night’s rest and my husband, unfortunately, has to be the victim of my whining then.

We were being very childish in saying goodbye this morning and so when he left I marched up to my computer and was drafting up an email with all of my complaints. Yep, I was going to send my husband hate mail.

That’s when God thankfully stopped me. I was thinking to myself, what am I doing? Is this how I’m helping my husband? Is this by any way building up our relationship together and with God?

I tend to forget the Proverbs 31 woman. There was a time in my life that I would even laugh and think it impossible and unfair to be such a woman. But growing in faith has helped me see that God has given His instructions so that we could have a full life.

Proverbs woman

Instead of whining and nagging my husband, I should pray more for him instead of asking God to help me eat healthier (please make me thin again God).

I sometimes lack faith in all that He can do, even though He has done miracles in our lives before and still does.

So I’ve decided to make it my mission to be become my husband’s personal prayer warrior. Ta-da-la-da!

What will I be praying for? It won’t be for God to put it on my husband’s heart to take out the trash without me having to tell him. Because this would be a `me´ issue again, not that praying for yourself is a bad thing, heavens no. But it shouldn’t be our main focus either. Right?

So what should we pray for? We should pray for anything that God has put onto our heart when we are in prayer first of all, then we should pray for that our husbands faith will grow and that he will become the spiritual leader God want’s Him to be. We need to pray for that our relationship will grow strong and need to ask God to help us be more like that Proverbs 31 woman He wants us to be.

I use a bookmark that you can download over at imoms and I find it very useful when I’m feeling at a loss for words. You can click on the image and it should take you there.

But right now, I’m just really thankful that God has stopped me before I sent out anything more hurtful and damaging to our marriage. Instead, I surrendered into prayer.

 

Father God,

I want to please You by the way that I love my family. Today, I choose to see my husband through your eyes of love and mercy. I will wage peace in my marriage. I will be quick to forgive and slow to condemn. I will encourage my husband with my words, my prayers, my love and my time. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my silly little lists that I lose perspective of the true meaning of life. Help me to live my days glorifying You with every breath that I take and step that I make. I want my home to be a safe place filled with kindness and compassion, a place that illustrates Your presence and power. Today, I choose to trust my marriage and family to you God.
In Jesus’ name, A-M-E-N !

 

I AM an Adoptee and I am NOT offended by the Avengers movie

Ok, I’m probably going to step on some toes here, but I am going to share with you, my personal feelings towards this topic. When it first came to my attention I was thinking, oh boy, what now. I didn’t really feel like getting into it and just ignored it at the start. However, I have installed a daily Google alert about adoption,  sending me an email with a list of adoption topics and wow, it is FULL of articles and posts about the Avengers movie, so I cannot ignore it anymore and I’m going to give you my two cents.

I am an adoptee and I am not offended. I love anything “Marvel” and do know quite a bit about all of these characters, I guess that makes me a bit of a nerd, oeps, sorry, didn’t want to offend all the nerds out there.

So this is the exchange in the film:

The Black Widow character says, “[Loki] killed 80 people in two days.” Then Thor, Loki’s brother, replies, “He’s adopted.”

“He’s adopted” isn’t saying that he is evil because of the adoption, but stating that he comes from a different lineage, so technically he isn’t part of the Odinson bloodline…

I can understand that some of you who have children through adoption find this heart breaking, but try to explain it like that and you need to understand the story behind it. If you haven’t seen the movie Thor yet, then maybe you should. I mean, there have been worse things said about adoptees on TV that children have seen. I’m thinking of “South Park” . I try to not let me kids watch it, but you don’t always know what they are watching over at their friends houses and when you aren’t at home, so you can’t always protect them from things like that.

And if adopted children are asking that if one bad adoptee means that they too are bad, their parents need to IMMEDIATELY start having a conversation about prejudice and discrimination of  individuals and groups. Are all Italians mobsters? All all women lousy parkers? That gingers don’t have a soul? I could go on. Plus, all of these topics are regularly seen on television or in movies.

I would also like to just share with you an article from The Washington Times. I’m sorry, but I’m thinking that Mrs or Miss Poe  could have left some things out. I respect and can agree on some things but not this part for example:

Want proof of just how bad that line is?

I like to do something I call “the substitution game,” whereby if I want to check whether or not a line is acceptable I simple swap out whatever word I have questions about with either the words “Jewish” or “African American.”  If the line sits well using both of these, the line passes the test.

So let’s try that here to find out if people would think the line was so funny if these words were used instead of  “adopted.”

So here we go:

The Black Widow character says, “[Loki] killed 80 people in two days.” Then Thor, Loki’s brother, replies, “He’s Jewish.”

Ugh…awkward, isn’t it? Doesn’t seem quite so funny.

OK, let’s try again:

The Black Widow character says, “[Loki] killed 80 people in two days.” Then Thor, Loki’s brother, replies, “He’s African American.”

Really? Really? You need to insert  Jewish or African-American to know if it’s an acceptable line? Like my husband said, “ Why don’t you just insert serial killer instead?”  –>sarcasm

I find that a bit racist to be honest, thinking of those two words … If I was Jewish or African-American, THEN I would be offended.

I am now going to end this post by saying that I am only speaking about my personal feelings on the matter and in NO WAY saying that other adoptees or parents shouldn’t be offended or can’t feel hurt, just that I am not. I am who God has created me to be and I’m not letting the fact that I am an adoptee define me, it’s just a small part of me and frankly, I can laugh about myself too at times.

Feel free to let me know how and why you feel like you do about the topic.

 

 

www.faithfulladoptee.com

Mom, momma, mommy, mama, mother, mmmmmmm?

Mother

A mother (or mum/mom) is a woman who has raised a child, given birth to a child, and/or supplied the ovum that united with a sperm which grew into a child. —Wikipedia

I hope you all had a great mother’s day yesterday.

On the topic of mom, I was wondering , how do you call yours? Or what do your kids call you? If you are like me, you have an adoptive mom and a natural mom. So how and why do you call them what you do?

mother's day gift

My mother’s day gift from my Step-Daughter. She calls me “Mim”

 

I don’t see my adoptive mother any more due to some very unhappy events when I was a teenager, making me have to leave home out of necessity. When I met my natural mother, I asked her if I could call her mom. I never say “birth mother” unless I’m using it on my blog, just to help you understand about who I’m talking about. When my sister and I talk about her, we say “La momma”.
It was uneasy at first, calling her mom, not sure if she really felt comfortable with me calling her that and I would avoid saying it at the beginning, even though I longed so much to call her that. But now, it seems natural.
With my biological dad, it’s so different, I’m still in good contact with my adoption dad. I call him dad or daddy but I’m finding it hard to find what I want to call my natural dad. We get along so well, I actually get on on the best with him. We are pretty close ,so I’m trying to find something comfortable for us. My kids call him Grandpa-T and he used to act irritated when he heard it…but I think he actually likes it. He’s just being a bit silly.

So, what do you call your mom and why?

And if you are looking for some inspiration, take a look at the following link of Mother’s Day Celebration website. You can see how people call their mothers in other countries.

How do you feel about mother’s day?

Mother's Day card

Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Why I Hate Mothers Day

It celebrates the great lie about women: That those with children are more important than those without…

by author Anne Lamott

How do you feel about mother’s day? Does the upcoming mothers day raise your blood pressure a bit? Is it a day you look forward too or a day that you apprehend? Walking around you see all these advertisements for gift ideas to get your mom. Even your email can’t hide from all that publicity. “Treat your mom to a luxurious spa” —Hmm, spa…

Maybe you lost a child, maybe you grew up without a mom or perhaps your mama died and the though of her is still just to painful.

For me, mother’s day used to be right up there with the other days  you “must” celebrate, especially Christmas. I’m not going to get into Christmas just as yet, that might be a post for the next holidays but what I am focussing on now, is mother’s day now or how it should be called:  “Hail me for cooking your dinner and doing your laundry day” Now that’s a day I wouldn’t mind getting celebrated for.

However, mother’s day was one of those days that would remind me that I was all alone at some point in my life. Living in a foreign country, raising my teenagers on my own, without any love or support from my a-mother or any family for that matter. My a-dad lived far far away.

And how is it possible anyways for all the other moms out there to be happy and served on mother’s day? My mother-in-law lost her mom last year and the pain is still fresh because it would have been her birthday around this time. They were very close. I have friends who wish they could be mothers but it hasn’t happened or at least not yet. This is a sad day for my friends. How about the single mothers? Who’s cooking for their kids tonight? How about all the mothers who work in restaurants today, serving other mothers? Or in the shops? It’s a recipe for discontentment.

Now don’t me wrong, I don’t hate mother’s day,I used to but I’ve hated it less and less over the years. Not only because my situation has changed: a new loving husband and being found by my birth family, but because of the grace of God. He quieted my heart, He helped me see that I wasn’t alone and that He had great plans in store for me. We are never alone you see:

• We are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

• We are the apple of His eye. (Proverbs 7:2)

• Our name is engraved in the palm of His hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

• We are carried through every storm. (Mark 4:35-41)

• We are wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

• We are watched over day and night. (Psalm 121:1-8)

• We are forgiven. (1 John 1:9)

• We are rejoiced over with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I should say though that I am not condemning anyone for celebrating this day but what I do think is that you don’t have to buy expensive gifts to show your love. There are many many other ways to do so. Be creative. I will be giving my birth momma a small gift for the first time, because I want her to know that I care about her, I love her and that mother’s day must have been as painful for her as it was for me and now we can celebrate!

So friends, this year, I won’t be moody if my kids forget me. Over the years they have blessed me with many, many, many sorts of artwork that will last me a lifetime. Heck, even though two of them are teens now, their art still garnishes the walls of our home, more beautiful than any Monet will do. I will remember that I’m not only a blessing to them, but they are a blessing to me too and that is remembered each and everyday in our home.

Try to turn the pain of mother’s day into joy. Enjoy this weekend and remember that you are loved!

Please don’t hesitate to share how you feel about mother’s day. I am not claiming to be a specialist on this matter. My views come from what I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve perceived as an adult adoptee and so I really would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Have a great weekend!

The adoptee family tree?

Do you have a family tree? Who made it? Do you appreciate it or you don’t really care? Did you have to make one during primary school? How did that make you feel?

So many questions, I know, but this is kind of tricky, isn’t it? Weather you are a traditional family, foster family, adoption family, reconstituted family or any other kind of family, making a genealogies tree isn’t simple and can be a very delicate topic at times. While some people insist that genealogies are only meant to be genetic, most agree that the purpose of a family tree is to represent the family – whatever that family might be.

A family Tree

A family Tree (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I remember as a child, my adopted maternal grand-father (what a mouthful, let’s call him Opa). So, my Opa , had one. I’ve been a history buff as long as I can remember and when I found out that he had a super-duper old family tree, that he kept up to date, I just couldn’t wait to see it and ask all kind of questions. Oh, how I wanted in on the the family scandals. But when he proudly showed me the old document with a great big tree on it, I remember frantically looking for my name, to only be disappointed by not seeing it. My mom was on it, so was my dad and my cousins, but I was not.

But that was many years ago and now having been found and welcomed into the arms of my birth family, one of the first questions I had,  “What’s my heritage? Where are my ancestors from?” I am only now getting into the whole family tree thing again and pretty excited I must say. But where to start? How to do it? Should I make a double one? My family situation is so incredibly confusing that I wont only need a family tree to explain it, but a Power Point documentation and some pie charts, hey I’ll make the Power Point with a pie chart included. “Euh this one right here is my cousin from my adoptive father we are 0% related, however this cousin from my birth mother’s side is related to me for about , hmm, 25 % …I think”…Help!

My husband and I form a reconstituted family, his side of the family are pretty traditional people, I’m the weird one. I have my adoptive family side and my birth family side. I almost broke out in a sweat at my wedding trying to explain who was who. That’s my dad, oh, he’s my dad too.

Anyway, tell me about your family tree, give me some advice, I beg you ….help, please?

Bad bad mommy…and daddy!

Yesterday, after a long day of work,  I came home not only to cook diner for my family but I had forgotten our youngest daughter of 9 , had a school project due for the next day. I’ve never been good at getting stuff done well ahead of time and this project wasn’t any different.

Her project was about Brussels. You know, the capital town of the European Union and of Belgium? You might be rolling your eyes at your screen now, but believe me, when I’m travelling and I say that I live in Belgium, I’ve had people tell me “Oh yeah, the capital of Brussels!”. I’m then the one rolling my eyes.

Anyway, that was off topic, back on the subject now. I came home, cooked diner and for the first time in my life, I baked a whole batch of Belgian waffles. Here they call them “Brusselse wafels”. They looked pretty good, but I wasn’t convinced about the taste. Oh well. You can see a bit missing on the bottom waffle….I’m the culprit.

While I was doing that, my husband was putting the Atomium together. We had a little argument about ; how much parental help is too much help with school projects? I mean, I was baking waffles and he’s making the Atomium and all the while Veruna is asking ” Can I help, please? Can I do something please?”  I hope we haven’t scared her for life now. Bad mama, bad papa! I’m promising myself that I will let her do her next project by a-l-l by herself, with maybe some help from me.

Once my husband had put the whole thing together, she did get the chance to help wrap the darn thing in alunium, alumion, aluminum….Arg, in foil. The next stage was hiding it from the cats. They destroy everything that catches their interest. This was the finished product :

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Atomium, this is what it looks like in real life :

Atonium

Atonium (Photo credit: Med PhotoBlog)

So by the time my hubby finished the construction and I finished making the waffles (made more than was planned because everyone kept on eating them) it was almost 11 pm…Noy much of a relaxing evening. Thank Goodness it’s Friday folks!

Have a great weekend!

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