Bad bad mommy…and daddy!

Yesterday, after a long day of work,  I came home not only to cook diner for my family but I had forgotten our youngest daughter of 9 , had a school project due for the next day. I’ve never been good at getting stuff done well ahead of time and this project wasn’t any different.

Her project was about Brussels. You know, the capital town of the European Union and of Belgium? You might be rolling your eyes at your screen now, but believe me, when I’m travelling and I say that I live in Belgium, I’ve had people tell me “Oh yeah, the capital of Brussels!”. I’m then the one rolling my eyes.

Anyway, that was off topic, back on the subject now. I came home, cooked diner and for the first time in my life, I baked a whole batch of Belgian waffles. Here they call them “Brusselse wafels”. They looked pretty good, but I wasn’t convinced about the taste. Oh well. You can see a bit missing on the bottom waffle….I’m the culprit.

While I was doing that, my husband was putting the Atomium together. We had a little argument about ; how much parental help is too much help with school projects? I mean, I was baking waffles and he’s making the Atomium and all the while Veruna is asking ” Can I help, please? Can I do something please?”  I hope we haven’t scared her for life now. Bad mama, bad papa! I’m promising myself that I will let her do her next project by a-l-l by herself, with maybe some help from me.

Once my husband had put the whole thing together, she did get the chance to help wrap the darn thing in alunium, alumion, aluminum….Arg, in foil. The next stage was hiding it from the cats. They destroy everything that catches their interest. This was the finished product :

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Atomium, this is what it looks like in real life :

Atonium

Atonium (Photo credit: Med PhotoBlog)

So by the time my hubby finished the construction and I finished making the waffles (made more than was planned because everyone kept on eating them) it was almost 11 pm…Noy much of a relaxing evening. Thank Goodness it’s Friday folks!

Have a great weekend!

The angry adoptee?

Someone recently asked me how was it that I wasn’t bitter about my whole adoption past.

I asked that person what they meant and they wondered if or why I didn’t feel any resentment about the whole situation.

Just to clarify, my natural parents are still together and they have had two children after me. I have a full blood sister and brother.

I guess, when you think of it, one could feel upset by this. Some adoptees often express such perceptions. Many books, such at The Primal Wound and Journey of the Adopted Self, propose that adoptees not only have these feelings, but that they are correct perceptions, and that the adoptee may never heal from these feelings.

Isn’t this one of the reasons why people were encouraged in the past to keep it from their children, the fact that they were adopted? That it would protect them from a “trauma”?

I’ll be honest, while I had a terrible relationship and experiences with my ado-mom, I kind of felt abandoned. When I had my kids during my teens, I didn’t have a loving mom by my side to help me and guide me on my new journey into motherhood. I didn’t have a role model. I didn’t feel loved, I felt lonely…abandoned maybe.

But after being found and getting to know the story, I think we often forget the “trauma” and the bitterness our birth mothers must have felt. My mother couldn’t forget me, even if she wanted to, because I was born the day after her birthday. I can only imagine how she must have felt, counting year after year. I have at times, delicately tried to pry some info about my birth and I would get pieces here and there, but I can feel her pain and then decide that it’s just better to stop. At least for now.

So, do I feel bitter? NO! If anything, my heart leapt with joy when I found out that they were still together and that I besides having the sister who found me, I too have a brother!

Plus God has proven Himself faithful in every place of brokenness and loss during my life and has blessed me with this reunion. God has convinced me that my life was “meant to be”.

Even if you are not a Christian or you don’t have another religion holding you up and I’m saying this because God has and does keep me up, that life is too short to live it in bitterness, sometimes you just need to see the good things in life and decide to be happy. This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be sad, but give it a place. We as individuals can choose our own attitudes at any time.

Oh and on a last note, I really hope that I haven’t offended others by what I said and if it seems like I’m belittling your feelings, this is not my intention and I’m sorry. I don’t know all your stories or pain, but I’m sure there is a lot of it. I do not claim to be an expert on anything but my own experiences and I would like to hear yours as well.

  • The Primal Wound – More Questions Than Answers! (sharonannevanwyk.wordpress.com)
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Do pets go to heaven?

My beloved cat Snowball passed away yesterday in my arms after two days of pain after having had a C-section to deliver her two dead kittens. I didn’t know that I could weep like I did yesterday for a creature, but it broke my heart loosing her. There are no words to explain how I feel and I feel like nobody understands me…

I don’t know if animals go to heaven, but I do sure hope so and I prayed that she would.

Ecclesiastes 3:18-21““As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.  Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath (literally “spirit“); humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

Snowball…I’ll miss her pretty blue eyes looking up at me.

Are we adoptees just mental?

I think one thing we adoptees must have in common is wondering from who we have inherited some of our habits.

If you have kids like me, you must have at one point or another compared your child’s habits and looks to yourself or to that of their other parent. All the good things have come from you of course and all the bad ones from the other person. Hey, at least, that’s what I do. However, now that mine are teens, I do realize that my daughter has many unpleasant habits in common with me, like her stubbornness or being convinced that she is always right and oh “the rolling of the eyes”…arg!

When I was little, my adoptive parents told me that they saw the doctor who delivered me and who was active in the adoption procedure during a trip to Wal-Mart’s. He looked at me and told them that he knew from whom I had inherited my long fingers. And that was it, that was the one and only thing I knew about them at that time and I have always carried that sentence in my heart and would wonder and dream about my natural parents. Huh, I imagined my mother being Céline Dion for some crazy reason.

Then I became a teen and my adoptive parents had divorced and my mother then took me back to her country of origin, Belgium. She had always had severe manic depression, but coming back to Belgium and not finding it the same as she had left it , 30 some years before, well that just put fuel on to her depression and she started to drink and take pills on top of it. I will spare you the details, but my teenage years were horrible, and I’m being mild here.

So as being a young adult, I had put it to the back of my mind, the though of me looking like someone else out there, and replaced those dreams I used to have with fear of becoming like my adoptive mother. Anytime I would have a tad bit too much to drink, I instantly would think of her and be petrified that I would be changing into her, an alcoholic. Or if I would have a couple of days of feeling down, (usually once a month) I would be scared that I was getting into a depression.

Last week I was doing my daily newspaper morning surfing and was reading an article in the Daily mail titled :

“When Cherry adopted these ‘angelic’ sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. How terrifyingly wrong she was.”

In short it’s about a couple who have adopted two sisters. The eldest was 3 years old and the youngest 6 months. Their natural mother was a troubled person and couldn’t care for them anymore and so they moved from foster home to foster home, until this couple adopted them.

Picture isn’t me, but I was however delivered in a laundry basket.

According to the article , this couple was a stable family and having all the means necessary to raise these children happily and comfortably. Unfortunately after having adopted these children , they noticed some behavioral problems that caused much stress. In the end, the couple divorced, the wife ended up having to care for these children on a minimal income and the girls, now in their twenties are behind bars in jail. “‘Ironically they have followed exactly the same pattern as their mother,’ says Cherry.”

Again, this is a short sum up and to get the whole picture you should read the article yourself.

Then one paragraph really caught my attention :

Quite understandably, adopted children often suffer emotional difficulties. A U.S. study found that being adopted approximately doubles the odds of an adolescent being diagnosed with an emotional or behavioural problem. While these issues can usually be overcome, they often have a massive impact on the child’s adoptive family. 

My question to you dear readers is do you think that adopted children do have more problems? And I’m not talking about the many kids given up for adoption that have come from high-risk pregnancies, exposing them to potential for developmental delays, impulsive choices, poor choices, attention deficit, hyperactivity, learning disabilities, and emotional disorders.

I do think that we might be more emotional than others and therefore I think that it is highly important for adopted children and their families to have enough support and that they have an adequate mental health support system at reach.

I also believe that God in His sovereignty, places orphaned or abandoned children with families on purpose, even if it doesn’t seem so at that moment. And what I have discovered is that conflicts that arise from adoption issues, whether on the side of parents or of the adopted child, can be overcome.  God has a way of taking conflict and using it for our own good.  God doesn’t give up on us.

So what do you think? Are we mental? Do we inherit traits ? I would really like to hear your thoughts or story, so please do share!

Take your stupid pic but leave me aloneeeeeee!!!

Since the advent of cell phone cameras, people have been craftily taking their own photos in bathroom mirrors in an effort to look either cool or alluring, usually using the trout pout…  YUCK! Often times this backfires terribly as you can see by just typing “mirror picture fails” into Google search.

I never really have understood why people take pics of themselves while standing in front of a mirror. Everyone seems to be doing it, teens, celebrities, cats….but this pic is actually cute.

A boy wanting a pic with his cat…..the cat doesn’t seem happy about it though.

Römertopf cooking – Healthy way of cooking

I just love my Römertopf.  I have inherited it from my husbands grand mother and she has had it for many many years. Such a healthy way to cook. You can use it for a number of things, poultry, beef, lamb.This organic chicken I made was f-o-r-m-i-d-a-b-l-e !

Clay pot cooking is a technique of cooking food in an unglazed clay pot which has been soaked in water so as to release steam during the cooking process. This technique has a long history, stretching back at least to ancient Roman times, and is commonly used in several cuisines in Africa, Europe and Southeast and East Asia.

Typically, an unglazed clay pot is submerged for 15 to 30 minutes to absorb water before cooking, then filled with the food and placed into an oven. The walls of the pot help to diffuse the heat, and as the pot warms it releases the water as steam.

The food inside the clay pot loses little of its moisture because it is surrounded by steam, creating a tender, flavorful dish. The evaporation of the water prevents burning so long as the pot is not allowed to heat until it is completely dry. Because no oil needs to be added with this cooking technique, food cooked in a clay pot may be lower in fat compared with food prepared by other methods, such as sautéing or frying. Unlike boiling, nutrients are not leached out into the water.

Because of the heat lost to the evaporation of water, clay pot cooking requires lower oven temperatures and longer cooking times than traditional roasting with dry heat. Clay pots may be cleaned by scrubbing them with salt; soaps or detergents should not be used, because the clay may absorb them.

Afbeelding Römertopf. Zelf gemaakt met digital...

 Römertopf (Wikipedia)

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