How do you feel about mother’s day?

Mother's Day card

Mother’s Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Why I Hate Mothers Day

It celebrates the great lie about women: That those with children are more important than those without…

by author Anne Lamott

How do you feel about mother’s day? Does the upcoming mothers day raise your blood pressure a bit? Is it a day you look forward too or a day that you apprehend? Walking around you see all these advertisements for gift ideas to get your mom. Even your email can’t hide from all that publicity. “Treat your mom to a luxurious spa” —Hmm, spa…

Maybe you lost a child, maybe you grew up without a mom or perhaps your mama died and the though of her is still just to painful.

For me, mother’s day used to be right up there with the other days  you “must” celebrate, especially Christmas. I’m not going to get into Christmas just as yet, that might be a post for the next holidays but what I am focussing on now, is mother’s day now or how it should be called:  “Hail me for cooking your dinner and doing your laundry day” Now that’s a day I wouldn’t mind getting celebrated for.

However, mother’s day was one of those days that would remind me that I was all alone at some point in my life. Living in a foreign country, raising my teenagers on my own, without any love or support from my a-mother or any family for that matter. My a-dad lived far far away.

And how is it possible anyways for all the other moms out there to be happy and served on mother’s day? My mother-in-law lost her mom last year and the pain is still fresh because it would have been her birthday around this time. They were very close. I have friends who wish they could be mothers but it hasn’t happened or at least not yet. This is a sad day for my friends. How about the single mothers? Who’s cooking for their kids tonight? How about all the mothers who work in restaurants today, serving other mothers? Or in the shops? It’s a recipe for discontentment.

Now don’t me wrong, I don’t hate mother’s day,I used to but I’ve hated it less and less over the years. Not only because my situation has changed: a new loving husband and being found by my birth family, but because of the grace of God. He quieted my heart, He helped me see that I wasn’t alone and that He had great plans in store for me. We are never alone you see:

• We are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

• We are the apple of His eye. (Proverbs 7:2)

• Our name is engraved in the palm of His hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

• We are carried through every storm. (Mark 4:35-41)

• We are wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

• We are watched over day and night. (Psalm 121:1-8)

• We are forgiven. (1 John 1:9)

• We are rejoiced over with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I should say though that I am not condemning anyone for celebrating this day but what I do think is that you don’t have to buy expensive gifts to show your love. There are many many other ways to do so. Be creative. I will be giving my birth momma a small gift for the first time, because I want her to know that I care about her, I love her and that mother’s day must have been as painful for her as it was for me and now we can celebrate!

So friends, this year, I won’t be moody if my kids forget me. Over the years they have blessed me with many, many, many sorts of artwork that will last me a lifetime. Heck, even though two of them are teens now, their art still garnishes the walls of our home, more beautiful than any Monet will do. I will remember that I’m not only a blessing to them, but they are a blessing to me too and that is remembered each and everyday in our home.

Try to turn the pain of mother’s day into joy. Enjoy this weekend and remember that you are loved!

Please don’t hesitate to share how you feel about mother’s day. I am not claiming to be a specialist on this matter. My views come from what I’ve learned, what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve perceived as an adult adoptee and so I really would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Have a great weekend!

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9 thoughts on “How do you feel about mother’s day?

  1. Mothers day used to be the day that reminded me of my childlessness.
    Now its the day that reminds me my (adopted) children may never allow me to truly be their mother.

  2. Mother’s Day used to remind me of the children whose voices I will hear when I get to Heaven. I didn’t exactly hate it, but I used to dread it. Now that I have four children to hold in my arms and six more I hold in my heart, I still don’t like the commercialism (to be honest, I’m the same way about Valentine’s day — “I love you” and “thank you” should happen more than once a year), and would rather spend the day as I would any other Sunday — attending Mass with my husband and our tribe and enjoying an afternoon together. I will say that I spend more time on Mother’s Day than on any other day of the year praying for those who still wait, for those who mother but have not been blessed with the children for whom they pray, and for the friends whose children were all born sleeping. It’s definitely bittersweet.

  3. It has always been a bittersweet day for me, even now that I am a mom. I always tend to grieve for my sons’ birthmoms on this day and I also reflect on my own difficult journey to motherhood. I use it as a time of thankfullness. We don’t really celebrate Mother’s Day with gifts, I usually just want to be surrounded by my boys and savor how lucky I am to be their mom!

    • Marcy says:

      When I was childless, it was a day I also dreaded. I hated that everyone who got to be a mother got celebrated and my babies were in heaven so I couldn’t celebrate being a mother even though I was. My husband is a pastor and at the time became aware of the pain around mother’s day. He now celebrates anyone that has a heart for children, is a nuturing person (if they are childless) and honors mothers who have passed. He acknowledges the pain associated with the day and celebrates the moms that are here b/c they do work their butts off. LOL! Also, when I was childless (now have four adopted miracles) I would concentrate on making my mother-in-law’s day wonderful and my mother from a distance.

  4. Mother’s Day has always frustrated me. It was my obligation to make sure the day was noted with a visit, a call, flowers, a card…something. I hate doing things purely out of obligation. My relationship with my adoptive mom has always been tense – so I’d opt for the easy way out: a card in the mail. It was as I was in the aisle reading card after card of “You are my hero” “Thanks for always being there and supportive me and filling me with love” “I’m so blessed to have such a loving caring person as a mom” that I got so angry. My mom is not a bad person, she’s not. She didn’t beat me, she didn’t neglect me, she took in a child she didn’t have to and raised her as her own. But when I needed to be hugged and loved and made to feel as if I was the recipient of the same love as her natural children were, she couldn’t provide that to me. I was a Christian duty and she did it right and proper. But she’s not my hero. She didn’t show me boundless love and support. She has never offered the comfort I needed.

    This year was different. Now all of a sudden she’s afraid of “losing me” and I’m being told that I ought to bend over backwards to remind her how much I love her and how much I need her. I can’t see doing it. I won’t pretend to feel a way I don’t. I love my mom, I care for her but she hasn’t been needed as a child needs a mother since I moved into adulthood. This year I wanted to spend the first Mother’s Day with my birth mom and I was made to feel guilty for my decision. Details aside, my birth mom had her children ripped from her life 29 years ago and this year I had the opportunity to be with her.

    I hope they get easier. Sorry I just vomitted this all here. Somethings, I just can’t say on my own blog.

    • Makers Daughter says:

      I understand you completely. I came across a quote that said something like how is it that a parent has enough love in their heart for more than one child, so why can’t a child have more love to give than to just one set of parents?

      It will get easier over time. Have they met?

      You can vent here anytime you want!

      • Thanks for understanding. That quote is perfect!! They haven’t met and I’m not sure if they will. My ado-mom is really interested (maybe needs) to continue to see my natural mom as a bad person who was neglectful and didn’t deserve her children. Maybe she would feel guilty as though she took us unwarranted if she were to feel anything but anger at her. I only guess this because she wants me “remember why this happened” because if *I* forgave Shirley then what does that mean for Nancy. I wish I could make her see, it’s not about one or the other. I won’t choose. I’ll have my cake and eat it, too.

  5. that is one of my favorite anne lamott pieces. i read it at a perfect time and it awakened to me that there are people out there who believe that women without children are not “less.”

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