How to spot a teen·ag·er 

teen·ag·er

[teen-ey-jer]

–noun

a  crazy person in his or her teens
Characteristics

Teenagers are usually between 12 and 20 years old. They range in size, color and manners.

Some like to live on your couch staring at the tv in the living-room for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. Others hardly come out of their bedroom, you know, the one filled with dirty smelly socks, junk and empty pizza boxes?

They usually move around in groups of other teenagers were they have their own way of communicating and language. If you happen to cross their path they will pretend to not notice or even know you. Don’t take this personally they need to do this in order to survive in their pack.

They wear clothing but it usually looks absurd. Most teens want to be individuals, which really means they want to be as different from you as possible. Teens will always want to wear the complete opposite of what you find “cute”.

Diet

Teenagers eat A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, as long as it’s unhealthy.

The teenagers diet ranges from fried food to sugary snacks. They will never eat fruit or veg if put in front of them, you can try deep frying it, but it’s still no guarantee. They seem to only like fizzy drinks, but will drink water eventually if nothing else is available but be prepared to never hear the end of it. No need for glasses, plates or cutlery.They will always drink straight from the carton of milk. You have been warned.

Communication

They are more likely to use actions instead of words while trying to express themselves. Like the rolling of the eyes when asking them to take out the trash.  Grunting is their main way of communicating with you, however, they do sometimes speak. It is a language similar to ours but called “slang” .

Here are a couple of examples :

  •  Later : doesn’t actually mean later but rather “never”.
  • Whatsup?: What?
  • Whatever: Means ” leave me alone.”
  •  Sick : No, it doesn’t always mean that they are not felling well, it also means the equivalent of “cool”.
  •  Yes means No and No means YES.
  • LOL: Laughing Out Loud — It originates from texting but is often used in conversations. “LOL that” means “that’s funny.”

When not being able to communicate even whilst using some of their words you might try to “message” them. Either by email of by cell phone. You will probably get a quicker response. For example :

Human : Will you be home soon?  

-Teen: ……(ignoring you)

Human: Are you there?

-Teen: HOAS —–>Hold on a second

-Human : ETA plz :) —–>Estimate Time of Arrival please , smiley face.

-Teen: YSL —->Your So Lame

-Human: TY  :(—–> Thank You, sad face.

-Teen: W/E —->whatever

-Human: B sure 2B home in 1h or ul be grounded 4VER and Il shame u on FB—->Be sure to be home in one hour or you will be grounded forever and I will shame you on FaceBook.

-Teen: K, already—>Ok u win. get off my back now.

-Human: BTW, ILU  :) —->by the way, I love you, smiley face

-Teen: OMG ,WTF :s —->Oh My Goodness, What The Fudge(yes, that’s what it means): if you ever receive the WTF from your teen…. definitely ground their butt and post a humiliating baby picture or other humiliating picture of them on Facebook. Don’t forget to tag it. (I don’t know what this smiley face actually means, it looks constipated…)

 

Source :my 15 yo son and 17 yo daughter

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